![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Nu#20. never trust anyone wearing better clothing than you. („Price II: First cut is the deepest“ by
No.: 20
Name: First cut is the deepest
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
manaika
Series: Hakuoki
Pairing: Shinpachi/Sanosuke
Rating: not under 16 – read warnings
Warnings: Sexual intercourse between people younger than 18, mild drugs abuse (meaning nicotine, meaning cigarettes), usage of alcohol, mentions of sexual intercourse for the purpose of obtaining money, also portrayal of gang-life and suicide themes... It sounds more horrible than it actually is. I used to read far worse and far darker things when I was 14, but since it’s a rule, I have to censore it. I still don’t think it’s graphic enough to cause a child a trauma (most of the teenagers in Europe have been through worse things in their life than reading something like this and still turned out fine), or not safe to read, but it doesn’t change the fact that I still have to censore it. I suggest you read it on your own risk, if you are under 16. You know yourself the best what you can and what you cannot bear. As I said, it’s nothing graphic. If it was, it would have to be locked.
Summary: Made for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
30kisses, list Nu/acquisition. Shinpachi and Sanosuke deal with their love, their lives and with the changing times. 20: The past will always be there to haunt you.
Disclaimer: I do not own Hakuoki, or any of it’s characters. The creators do. My muse owns the idea of the fic, myself the work and the time I put into writing it. Credit me at least those, ok?
Author’s notes
The Past Arc. If you kept wondering about the past of our favorite SSL teacher’s, this is what you read. Starrs Shiranui, of course.
Before you start reading, please take note of the length. I did my best to erase the most of the typos and errors I unintentionally made and upon later time be banging my head against the wall for them.
Now there’s only one more thing to say: Enjoy!
Previous parts are HERE
PRICE II: First cut is the deepest
#20. never trust anyone wearing better clothing than you.
The Winter was always darker in Kyoto than the Summer. Heavy clouds hung above the city, shielding it from the mighty Sun, the days were shorter and the night fell early, there were almost no stars in the skies and the light of the moon was cold and pale. Sano didn’t like it. It was harder to learn during the winter months, than in Summer and if there was one thing he needed to do, it was to learn. His poor family couldn’t afford university and he needed to graduate with honors if he wanted a stipendium. And he wanted a stipendium, go to university and make something out of his life. He had no interest in ending up like his parents, freezing in a small house, doing nothing but down heavy alcohol, wallowing in their misery all day. In order to pay his tuition he had to work hard, illegaly of course. High schoolers weren’t allowed to work after all.
Karma wasn’t on his side in this life, that much was sure. Not that he was complaining, Sano never complained about anything. There were people who had it much worse than him, after all. It was just that, it was so hard to stay awake when it was dark outside and even harder to stay awake during lessons if one worked till dawn. It was a good thing that Spring was finally knocking onto the doors, but it was also very hard to learn in Spring. With everything blooming, waking up and coming to life, if was really distracting. Random thoughts about life came to him then and a feeling of melancholical apathy spread through him. Sano wished something exciting would happen. Something to wake him up and raise his mood. Something that didn’t happen yesterday or the day before, something to disturb this boring routine that has established since day one in the the freshmen class...
„Did you hear?“ It came from the desk next to him, as his classmates discussed the newest gossip, as per usual. It hadn’t been a month into the schoolyear and the two girls morphed into the best friends forever. „A second year droped a grade and will be taking lessons with us.“
Sano’s ears perked up. Not that he was a gossip whore, but at the prospect of something that could keep him up, he was ready to sell his soul.
„Really? One would think he would change schools in such a situation.“
„I hear his parents wouldn’t let him, because this is the best school available.“
Of course this was the best school available in Kyoto. Sano’s purse felt it every time he had to pay to be able to study at it.
„He’s one of those rich kids, yanno.“
Hearing that, Sano already knew he would hate the new classmate.
„It’s said, that the only reason he stays at this school, is his father’s moneybag.“
„’Supporting the school’, huh?“
„Yup.“
Sano blocked the rest of the conversation out. Great. Like he needed another of those snobs that would make him feel where his place was. He looked around the class. There were several free seats, so chances were that he could avoid the fellow. Hopefully the teacher won’t think that seating the kid next to Sano would be ’good influence’. Unlike his schoolmates, most of the teachers liked Sano, because he showed interest in the subjects and was a good student, in spite of the little time he had to learn.
Sano sighed. At least there was something positive in his life.
That was when the bell rung and the students hurried to their places for the first hour of the day. Sano kept wondering whether it was safe for him to risk a nap. He had slept 4 hours and he wouldn’t get much more sleep than that tonight. He was exhausted and the homeroom class was always the most boring class of the day.
The teacher came in with slow lazy steps as usually, stiffling his yawn. Oh how much Sano wanted to sleep...
„Class, attention please.“
Aw hell.
„I would like you to welcome a new student.“
In spite of his tiredness, it gained Sano’s interest. Subconsciously he straightened up.
„Nagakura-kun, if you please.“
The first thing that came to Sano was, that the new one was tall. Taller than Sano even, who with his 1,80 m stood tallest of the class. And from the looks of it, the long bones were backed up by a bunch of hard muscles. Sano briefly wondered if the guy could beat him at wrestling. He certainly made that look possible, Sano thought, with that air of arrogant confidence around him.
For a moment the eyes of the guy met with his and Sano was startled to find them a bright, azure blue. Something flashed through them and the lips quirked into a arrogant smirk.
Sano’s eyes narrowed. He didn’t like that guy.
„Yo.“
Sano bit back a sneer. That was his trademark greeting!
„Nagakura Shinpachi.“
That was it. No „Nice to meet you“ or „A pleasure to be here“, his entire stance reflecting how much above them he felt himself. Sano’s scowl got deeper. How dare he?! Wasn’t it him who dropped a grade?
„Nagakura-kun, sit down next to Harada-kun.“
Sano forced the groan back into his throat before it broke out. Karma deffinitely hated him. There was no other possible explanation.
The smirk grew and Sano supressed the urge to strangle the guy.
„Sure.“
Karma was a bitch, Sano decided.
ox*xo
It took exactly an hour and half for the first fight between them to break out. It happened during PE, a subject they both excelled at. Untill now, Sano was the unbeaten champion at every PE subject, be it baseball or wrestling. It would have made him the star of the class, wouldn’t it be for his financial situation. These rich snobs didn’t let a single soul penetrate their rows, but Sano’s good grades and physical prowess made sure that he didn’t end up as a complete outsider. But now the tables turned. If someone stronger and better at PE than Sano appeared, the class would put a ’nerd-stamp’ on him, regardless of how physically strong or athletic he was. Sano would hate that. He was NOT a nerd. He liked his body and he liked to take care of it. Even in his poor surroundings he always managed to stay clean and he found time to do his workout every day. He would not let a rich, spoiled brat ruin his reputation. The only way he could prevent that, was to prove he was better at PE. The most adequate description of their current situation would be ’two cocks on one dunghill’. Sano could already see Sanji-sensei roll high eyes. Normally it would have been a piece of cake to prove himself at PE, but looking at the new one, Sano wasn’t so sure anymore. Nagakura had muscles. Big muscles. Pretty nice muscles. Sano would have stared if he didn’t loath that rich oaf so much.
Sano had already come to terms with the fact that he wasn’t as straight as he could be. Sure, he liked pretty woman and he even liked more to fuck them, but he wasn’t opposed to the idea of being fucked too. He blamed it all on America. A decade ago there was this blasted boom and now it seemed to have come to Japan. Thus, Sano couldn’t change it, so he didn’t even try. So what if he found staring at firm asses and hard muscles pleasent? It wasn’t like he assaulted that person right away, or tried sneaking into their pants. Sano knew better than that. Besides, he had somehow the reputation of a gigolo, which was a lot easier reputation to deal with than a fag.
But back to the topic.
Nagakura and his firm muscles. Cocks on one dunghill. Cocks on one...Sano resisted the urge to slap himself. He ought to stay away from that gay porn, he had somehow managed to obtain, for a while.
„Alright class!“ Sanji-sensei spoke after they did the attendance. „Today we’ll do baskettball! Team captains will be Harada and...“ the teacher looked around, deciding for the captain of their rival team. It was always very hard to pick a second captain suitable for a baskettball team with those shrimps their class had. „Nagakura.“
Sano smirked. Great. Baskettball was his forte. This would settle them. Their eyes met and challenge sparked. Nagakura was going down.
x-x
Ten minutes later he wasn’t so sure anymore. The score was 15:12 for Sano’s team and Nagakura had the ball, heading straight for their baskett. Sano had never played so much on defense before. He noticed a blind spot and shouted for a classmate to cover it. They would not let them score. He would personally see to that.
Nagakura was ready to throw the ball. His knees bent, arms pulled to his chest, the ball held by mere fingertips. Sano would have paused to admire the stance, if his situation was any different. Suddenly the strong body stretched, the ball flew out of the arms, right towards the baskett. The same moment Sano moved, catching the ball and advanced to the oponents side, leaving a dumbfounded Nagakura behind. He used the moment of surprise to get to the rival baskett. One, two three, throw. 18:12.
The advantage lasted.
By the time the teacher signaled for break, Sano’s team was leading 24:12, mostly thanks to his height and speed. Sano patted himself mentally on the back. He had played like never before. And never had he felt so alive either. It felt really good to have a challenge. He stole a glance at Nagakura, whose face, in spite of the grimm score, was split into a grinn. Maybe, just maybe, that guy wasn’t as bad as Sano thought. At least, he would make a good rival. Sano smirked. Yeah, he could live with that. And it wasn’t like he was admitting it anytime soon.
ox*xo
A week later Sano was taking it all back. Nagakura was as bad as they came. A nosey, annoying, cocky, arrogant, self-centered macho. And he wouldn’t leave Sano in peace.
„So.“
Sano supressed a groan. He had been checking the results of the math test they had last week, only to find himself on place 15 with score B+, so he wasn’t in the best of moods.
„What do you want?“
„Rumor has it, you banged Aiba-senpai last week against Ito-senpai’s locker.“ Nagakura was grinning that shit-eating grinn again.
„I don’t see why it should be any of your business.“
„Oh come on! You banged Miss Bombastic Boobs! Miss Wanna-taste-my-milk?! Miss I-can-get-any-man-because-I’ve-got-size-E! It’s practically a public issue!“
Sano was getting distinctly sick.
„Fuck off, Nagakura.“
„No way! Ya tellin’ me how ya doin’ it!“
„As a matter of fact, not any different than several millions of males on this planet when they have sex with females, I assure you.“
„Not that! How’dya get them around?“
Actually, it was the other way around. The girls came to him. He didn’t know why, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to know anyway. It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered, but grades.
„None of your business.“
„Come on, spill it!“
Sano almost remarked if it was his seed, or his spit Nagakura wanted him to spill, but he held himself back.
„And against Ito-senpai’s locker! You’ve got some guts!!“
Admittedly, that had been one of his better ideas, Sano thought. But no way he was letting that Nagakura know.
„Look, Nagakura. I’ve got things to do.“
„Like banging Aiba-senpai?“
„No.“ Banging Yoshiwara-chan, actually. „I have work. I would really appreciate you would leave now.“
„In the way, am I?“
„Actually, yes.“
Nagakura grinned. „Fine. But you’ll spill the details later. Ciao!“
Sano sighed as he watched the retreating back, asking himself for the thousendth time, why it was him, who was a people magnet. And why the hell did he attract idiots?
His look wandered back to the math results, as if the sheet of paper could provide an answer to all of his questions, when his eyes fell onto the highest score. Wow, someone had full points. His eyes almost fell out as he read the name next to it. Nagakura Shinpachi. No. Way. No way in hell that idiot could have so much luck! That guy dropped a grade because his results at the end of the term weren’t good enough to advance to the next grade! And such an idiot scored the highest in math?! Unbelievable.
That shithead had some undiscovered inner talents, apparently, Sano thought sardonically. But a small voice inside of him reprimanded him promptly. What had Nagakura done to wrong him, besides being attached to his hip like some puppy? Sano bit his lips as the answer came to him: Nothing.
Alright, so maybe he wasn’t being fair to Nagakura, but there was something that made him uneasy around the guy. Nagakura wasn’t showing his full colors yet. There had to be a reason why he so decidedly hung around Sano, right? He couldn’t just want to be (and Sano gulped at the word) friends so suddenly and spontanously, just because of a game they played and a few more encounters that proved their equality in sports, could he?
Or was it just Sano’s cautiousness speaking and it was indeed as easy, even for someone like him, to make friends.
Sano sighed yet again. Why was this so complicated?
Maybe he could allow himself to drop his guard a bit around Nagakura. It would be nice not to have to be so cautious about everyone, having someone to open up to. Someone to talk to. Someone to understand.
Alright. He would observe for a while more and then he would decide if Nagakura was indeed a worthy friend.
Sano’s lips quirked into a small smile.
Maybe Karma wasn’t on his bad side after all.
ox*xo
Later that week he found out how wrong he’d been. It was just two days after the ’interrogation’, as he came to call it, that Nagakura caught him behind the gym. Sano’d been learning there for the math test he decided to retake (B+ was nice, but not good enough for a stipendium), when Nagakura came across the corner, looking like death warmed over. The guy’s hair was a mess, like he’d been tossing and turning the entire night, his skin was sickly pale and he had a wild look in his eyes. Sano’s eyebrows disappeared into his hair.
„What the hell?! You look like shit!!“
Nagakura didn’t answer, just marched straight towards him. Sano had barely the time to realize that something was very wrong, when he was forcefully yanked upwards by the collar of his uniform.
„Alright, enough of the games.“
To say the least, Sano was surprised. For the last two weeks he’d been around, Nagakura neevr showed any kind of force towards anyone. He was arrogant, wild, spoiled and unbound. Rough around the edges, but Sano instinctively felt, that inside he was a big ole teddy bear.
That instinctive feeling disappeared into thin air.
Nagakura wasn’t showing anything else now than brute force, anger and violence and Sano realized that this was the piece he’d been missing, the one part that would complete the picture of this man. This very dark piece. This was the real Nagakura, pushed beyond his limits. This was Nagakura in his raw nature. A wild, bloodthirsty animal.
„Give me your money.“
Needless to say, Sano was shocked.
„What?!“
Nagakura had been after his money?! The money that he’d shed blood and sweat for to have it? Money he used sorely for educational purposes? Money invested into his future, instead of any passing fancy that struck him? Sano had to admit, that somewhere it hurt. Somewhere deep inside of him, it was like a dagger into his back. An ice cold wave that estinguished every tiny sliver of hope for friends he could ever have. No way he was giving his well earned, deserved payment to this rich, spoiled, stupid oaf. No. Fucking. Way!
„Forget it!“
Nagakura made a grab for his bag and Sano reacted on instinct. He kicked Nagakura into the side and with a half turn he brought himself and his bag out of the spoiled brat’s reach.
„Give!“
„No!“
Nagakura dove for him and Sano ducked. He wasn’t surprised to realize that Nagakura had to have been doing some kind of martial arts, at one point. Aikkidou, or Kendo, perhaps both. Well, fine. Sano had learned his fair share of martial arts too.
„What do you need it for anyway?! Go and earn your own!“
„Give!“
„Fuck off!“
Another struggle ensued.
This was highly disappointing. Someone he’d thought of as almost a friend, was after his money. Needless to say, Sano was angry. How could he have allowed himself to be so deluded? How could he have thought even for a second, that a rich brat would voluntarily make friends with somehow as poor as him, if he didn’t gain something of it himself. Even if it was just money.
The sheer irony made him laugh. Someone so rich, stealing from someone as poor as him...The world was a damn unfair place!
In his small moment of distraction, Nagakura caught him by surprise. He almost got the bag, but Sano didn’t let it go. They fought like animals and by the end of it, when Sano was bleeding from his nose and his right ear was ringing, but he was still winning, Nagakura was beginning to be desperate.
„Give!“
„Never!“
„Damnit, I need it, can’t you tell?!!!“
„What the freezing hell for?!!“
„They’ll kill me if I don’t pay up!!!“
This admission shocked them both.
„Who’ll kill you?“
For a moment, Nagakura hesitated, but in the end, acknowledging defeat, he let go of the bag and looked away. „The upperclassmen.“ No use in denying it now. „I...I made a bet with them and I lost. I have to pay them ten mil by the end of the week.“
Sano’s world spun suddenly, with shock. „Ten...ten million yen?“ he whispered in utter disbelief. He had around 10 000 yen for food for a month, Sano found himself comparing.
„Yeah. Dad won’t give me the money and I wasted my allowance already.“
Sano felt faint.
„There...there’s this rumor that the upperclassman I owe the money, that he’s in the...you know...yakuza. Well, not him, but his father.“
„Yakuza.“
„Yeah.“
„That’s some deep shit you’re in.“
„Yeah.“
Sano sighed. „I’m sorry, but I can’t give you any money. It’s...I’m paying my tuition with it.“
„Huh? Your parents don’t pay your school?“
„My parents don’t really...“
„Your parents don’t really what?“
„Nevermind. Anyway, I can’t give you the money.“
Shinpachi sighed. „No helping it then. There’s one more source I can borrow from. He won’t mind, but...Ah, well. My own damn fault for getting into this mess in the first place. Shoulda realized that they would cheat me.“
It caught Sano‘s attention. „They cheated?!“
„Yeah, but I can’t prove it. It’s just, I counted the probability of my guess being right and combined with the asymptotic theory, every possible combination included, and with the fact that statistics side with small numbers...Harada, are you listening?“
Sano had to get this blank look on his face, the one he got whenever someone started explaining anything related to maths, because Nagakura was looking at him very worriedly, in a complete opposite to before.
Sano shook his head a little to gain his focus back. „You lost me at the asymbiotic theory.“
„Asymptotic.“
„Whatever.“
As Nagakura saw that Sano was fine, he continued his explanation. „Anyway, as a mathematical fact, I should have won the bet. I haven’t, so that means they cheated.“
Sano nodded, understanding as much. „And if you tell the teachers, the senpais will just deny it.“
„Yeah.“
Pretty fucked up. Sano could somehow relate.
„Sucks to be you then.“
Nagakura smiled. „Coulda been worse. I hear you don’t have it easy either.“
Sano only smiled bitterly and the reality of the fight came back. Nagakura didn’t look much happy either, as he scratched the back of his head.
„Harada?“
„Yeah?“
„Sorry I leashed out.“
A small smile cracked Sano’s face. This was the first time someone apologized to him. Feeling a little better, he tried to joke.
„Oh don’t worry, I’m pretty used to it.“
Shinpachi took the bait, as if hoping to fix whatever he’d broken.
„I figured as you dodged. That was some cool move!“
Now Sano was smirking. „Tani-sensei will be pleased to hear that.“
„What?!“ Nagakura looked mildly shocked and Sano felt a sudden surge of confidence shoot through him. „Tani-sensei? Tani-sensei taught you that?!“
Sano nodded. „Yeah. He lived in the same village as I, when I was little. He was a teenager, I was five and he sometimes took care of me when my parents were...indisposed. He was kinda like a brother to me. I even call him privately Sanji-sensei. He showed me a few moves cause he thought they could be usefull.“
„They are great! Somehow, as you moved, it felt like real survival instinct.“
Sano cringed as an unpleasent memory flashed through him, good mood and confidence gone. „Cause it was.“
„Huh?“ Nagakura looked startled and for some reason Sano found himself elaborating.
„I’ve lived mostly on the streets for as long as I can remember. You’ve got to know how to defend yourself if you’re nine and some bullies want the money you’ve worked so hard for.“
His words completely shut the ever talkative Nagakura up, but the otherwise silent Sano couldn’t stop talking, the words spilling from his lips like a current.
„In fact, I loathe you. You and all those rich kids at this school. You think you’re something better because daddy’s got the money, mommy’s gonna kiss it alright and a bunch of people are waiting for a word you say, happy to die for you. You think life is just a play about wasting money and bringing oneself into dangerous situation that a simple bunch of bucks will solve. You have no idea how life works, but the worst is you’ll never even know it, because mommy and daddy will keep you in that secure, little, dream-like world you call life. Nothing’s gonna change, so why try, right? Aw hell, you make me sick.“
Silence fell after his monologue upon them. After a while it became unbearable and Sano left.
Nagakura didn’t follow him.
ox*xo
If Sano thought that his words could make Nagakura stop annoying the living daylights out of him, he’d apparently miscalculated his chances. Again. Math was deffinitely not one of his strong points. Because whatever stupor it was that had seized Nagakura at that day, it didn’t last too long. Next thing Sano knew, his annoying classmate was breathing down his neck again.
Sano was just going through his retaken math test. He’d scored A- this time. Not as bad, but still not what he wanted. Actually it had been just his rotten luck, that the teacher gave him the exact problems that he’d been excercising on.
„Yo!“
Sano tried to ignore him.
„I know you heard me.“
Sano tried very hard not to roll his eyes, pointingly silent. However Nagakura seemed hell-bent on getting a response out of him.
„You made a mistake at the third consecution.“
„What the hell do you want?“
Nagakura smirked in victory and Sano actually did roll his eyes.
„Nothing in particular, really.“
„Then why the fuck do you keep following me like a damn shadow?“
Nagakura shrugged. „Cause you provide a good shield?“
Sano gave him a look. „That was bloody lame.“
Nagakura shrugged again.
Sano sighed. „I mean it, though. I try my best to shake you off, I say I loathe you and that you make me sick, I beat you at baskett ball, I refuse to loan you money and you still hang around me. Why?“
Nagakura looked away and for a while Sano thought he won’t reply, untill finally a simple answer came: „You fought.“
„Huh?“
„You wouldn’t have been the first one I took money from forcibly, but you were the first one who fought. You are also the only one who didn’t try to get me spill why I dropped a grade and why my father did his best to keep me at this school. Everyone’s been going on about it since day one, and yet no one will look into my eyes when they talk to me. You do. You never treated me as the something special I am supposed to be. You even had the guts to beat me at baskettball, which is something no one in my old class dared. You’re brazen, witty and smart. And really popular with the girls. In other words, you are everything I am not. I’m no one special to you and that’s why I like being around you, if that makes sense.“
Somehow, it did, Sano found himself thinking.
To put it bluntly, he was awed. But somehow, a tiny part of himself, felt flattered. A small smile started forming on Sano’s face. Perhaps, but really only perhaps, the prospect of him having friends wasn’t as out of reach as he thought it was.
„You can be yourself around me.“
„Exactly.“ Nagakura breathed.
And suddenly inspiration struck Sano and the small smile grew wider.
„Hey.“
„Hm?“
„You’re good at maths, right?“
„Howd’ya figure?“
„You had the highest score of the class, with full points. No way that was a coincidence.“
Nagakura looked away. „So what? It’s the only subject besides PE and english I have motivation for.“
Sano recalled one of his gossipy classmates say something about Nagakura knowing three foreign languages.
„You could tutor me.“
That earned him a wide-eyed look of surprise.
„WHAT?!“
„I would need some tutoring in math. I can count alright, but some of the background gets lost when the teacher explains it. And my english conversation could use polishing. In turn, I can tutor you in every other subject you want. If we are hanging out together, we might as well have some use from it.“
Nagakura looked away. „What makes you think I need tutoring?“
„You dropped a grade, right? There’s gotta be a reason for that.“
„If I told you I did it on purpose?“
Sano was startled to find out, that it didn’t surprise him at all.
„I wouldn’t put it past you.“
Nagakura’s look snapped back to him.
„But I still don’t think that you are equally genius in every other subject as you are in math and english. I can’t imagine you being the biology, or chemistry type. Physics perhaps...“
„Biology. I have problems with biology. And History. I just don’t get it. At all the other subjects I mostly lack motivation.“
Sano smirked. „Will a challenge from me be motivation enough?“
Shinpachi raised an eyebrow.
Sano’s smirk grew.
„See, I want to graduate with honors to get a stipendium. I challenge you to do better than me.“
„You can’t possibly be serious.“
„I am absolutely serious.“
Shinpachi burst out laughing and Sano relished in the deep sound of it. It was a laugh that resonated within you.
„You’re the most brazen, most cocky, most wicked guy I’ve ever met! Fine then!“ Shinpachi looked directly into his eyes. „I accept your challenge! And I’ll tutor you! But in turn, you’ll have to come with me to the dojo!“
Sano raised an eyebrow.
„What dojo?“
„It’s name’s Shiekan. It’s being run by a very nice person, who has always been there for me. He won’t mind if we, say, sparr a little.“
Sano’s face split into a grinn. „I’ll crush you.“
„We’ll see about that. And one more thing.“
„Hm?“
„It’s Shinpachi.“ A hand was extended towards Sano and saphire eyes met amber. „My name’s Shinpachi.“
Sano regarded the outstretched hand with a smile, before he took it, his amber eyes boring themselves right through saphire. „Sano. Just Sano.“
ox*xo
A few weeks later, the handshake developed into a decent friendship. Shinpachi tutored him in english and math, Sano payed him back by tutoring him in everything else. When there was nothing to learn and Sano wasn’t working, they would just hang out at the dojo and sparr. It was kinda nice to have someone like that and Sano found himself often leaning into this weird friendship, seeking more of it. Even though sometimes Sano though that Shinpachi wasn’t telling him everything, that he had his dark secrets hidden, but that was as well, because Sano had his own couple of secrets. Like the fact that he never let Shinpachi come to his place. When they learned, they always did so at the dojo, or at Shinpachi’s place, they never went to Sano’s. Sano only prayed that this would go unnoticed by the other male as long as possible. He didn’t want Shinpachi to see where he lived, probably because he didn’t want to face it himself. Even though over the years he became used to the conditions he lived in, seeing it through someone else’s eyes would be like opening his own. Sano feared it would become unbearable. So he never let Shinpachi see his own home and when the issue came up, he dodged it.
Of course, Shinpachi noticed.
Sooner or later it was bound to happen. And one day, when Sano was just explaining the functions of the enzymes of the digestive system to his friend, Shinpachi brought it up.
„So, it’s good for us to drink pepsi, because it contains this enzyme and so it helps when we have problems with-“
„Sano?“
At the sound of his name, Sano looked up from the scheme he had drawn to help the explaining. Shinpachi was eyeing him with a thoughtfull look. Sano didn’t like it. The last time Shinpachi had that look, he’d asked him if he was gay. Sano of course denied it. Not only because he didn’t want his ’not-so-straightness’ come out, but also because he wasn’t entirely gay either. He liked girls. Very much so. Shinpachi had then eyed him for a long moment, as if trying to decide whether to believe him, or not, but in the end, he didn’t push. But Sano doubted he’d believed him entirely. Shinpachi might have been an airhead at the most of the times, but he was unusually perceptive when it came to his close friends. So it was perfectly justified, that Sano tensed up when Shinpachi gave him one of those perceptive, thoughtfull looks.
„What is it? Did I not explain it clearly?“ he tried to distract his friend, but without success.
„Why do we never stay at your place?“
Sano froze. The question came very unexpectedly and he wasn’t prepared to answer it. Yeah, sure, they had brushed the subject a few times, but Shinpachi had never asked him directly. And if the question wasn’t enough, his friend elaborated, making the hairs at the back of Sano’s neck stand up.
„Not that I mind staying at my place, with it being so huge and comfortable and everything, but I thought it was strange. I know you’re not as rich as the most of the students at our school, you’ve never denied that, so you can’t be afraid that I’ll be shocked about that. What is it really?“
Sano felt like a mouse surrounded by three large cats. Shinpachi was absolutely right, but Sano couldn’t let him find out-
„It’s your parents, am I right?“
Blast. For several moments, Sano couldn’t breathe properly. Shinpachi had hit the nail on the head.
„I mean, it can be only them. You never talk about them, and when you do, you never finish the sentence. And when I inquire you always say ’nevermind’ or ’it’s nothing’.“
Sano wanted to kick himself. He hadn’t realized he was so transparent.
„Do they hurt you?“
That was the last thing Sano expected Shinpachi to say. „What?!“ Sano would have never guessed that Shinpachi thought that. Just the thought of those people hurting him made him shake with disgust and brought back the air into his lungs. „No!“
„Then what?“
The air disappeared again, his throat painfully tight. He looked away.
„It’s-“
„Not nothing.“ Shinpachi interrupted him. „It doesn’t look like nothing to me.“
Sano considered telling his friend, he really did. But at the other end, he couldn’t risk that, he simply couldn’t. So his mind came up with a half-truth, something to satisfie his friend, but not giving away the uncomfortable things. However as his mind formed the words he wanted to say, the thought how stupid they would sound came to him.
„It’s...probably silly.“
Shinpachi’s look bored itself deep into him. „Serious enough, if I was to judge by the face you make.“
„It’s hard to get if you don’t see it yourself.“
„Is that an invitation?“
Sano looked at Shinpachi for a long time, considering it. He couldn’t keep it a secret forever. And especially not, if he wanted to become friends with Shinpachi. Friends were supposed to tell each other such things, right? And maybe he wanted to finally tell someone, show someone, wanted someone to know, share the burden with.
„Yeah.“ He finally breathed. „Yeah, why not? We’ll go tomorrow.“
Shinpachi nodded and silence settled between them, untill Shinpachi broke it. „Now, you were saying about pepsi...“
Sano shook the dark thoughts that occupied his mind after their conversation off. They still were in the middle of learning. „Yeah, right, pepsi. It’s healthy.“
„You don’t say...“
„Yeah, when you drink it, the enzyme...“
x-x
But even in spite of the fact that they had stuff to learn, Sano couldn’t stop thinking about what was about ot come. The next day went entirely by him and the walk home seemed like eternity. His legs felt heavy as lead and he wasn’t as talkative as usually.
„You are really silent today.“
„Hmm...“
Sano felt Shinpachi’s eyes on him, but he didn’t turn to his friend.
„Is it that bad?“
Honest answer would be, that Sano didn’t know.
Was it?
Probably not. But then why was he so ashamed? What was he so afraid of? Neither his mother, nor his father would hurt Shinpachi, in fact they probably, Sano swallowed hard, wouldn’t care, but...
Maybe he just didn’t want Shinpachi to hear the things he had to listen to every day. Maybe he didn’t want Shinpachi to see what he had to deal with. But why didn’t he want that? Because he would be admitting that he hadn’t been dealing with it for his entire life? That he had just put up a shield, a fortress of defensive emotions around him and turned his face away?
„Sano?“ Shinpachi inquired after he’d been silent for too long and Sano remembered tthe question. He didn’t know what to answer.
„You’ll see yourself.“
„You’re scaring me.“
„Sorry.“ Sano looked ahead of him. „There it is.“
It was a simple house, Sano noted. Wooden, slightly raised, without an upper storey, streching into the backyard instead. Cracks in the wood were visible and in the yard several bottles of alcohol were strewn carelessly. An old, used-up alarm was attached to the front door and the windows were dirty.
It was pretty run down.
„That?! You live there?“
Sano couldn’t even blame Shinpachi for the surprise in his voice.
„Yeah.“
„How do you heat?“
„We don’t.“
Shock spread across Shinpachi’s features.
„We don’t have the money. If I want to be warm, I just put more covers over myself.“
They came to the yard.
„Be carefull, some of the bottles might be broken.“
As Sano fished for his keys, Shinpachi inspected the label on one of the bottles.
„That’s pretty strong stuff. Does your father drink that?“
Sano’s heart constricted and his hand clenched into a fist around the keys. „No.“ Shinpachi looked at him questioningly. „My mother.“ Was his simple answer and he opened the door, ignoring the stunned look on Shinpachi’s face, as he turned to him. „Welcome at the house where I live.“
They stepped in.
„I’m back.“ Sano said dully and set his keys down.
No answer came. The house was mostly silent, save from the clacking sounds in the kitchen, signalizing that his mother was pouring herself another drink and his father was probably asleep in the living room. If they were lucky, they would get to his room without meeting the two other occupants of the building. Sano didn’t want Shinpachi to meet their parents. They passed a door and Sano gently patted it.
„Bathroom’s here, if you need it, but be carefull with the door. It tends to fall out of the hinges.“
Just as Sano finished the sentence, a voice came from the direction of the living room.
„Sanosuke, is that you?“
Sano supressed a groan. No luck for him today.
„Yes father.“
Before any further conversation could ensue an enraged scream came from the kitchen and a woman, drunk and dirty stormed into the hallway. Shinpachi gaped and Sano braced himself mentally.
„You useless child!“ the woman shouted, her dirty hair, that might once have been a deep shade of red, falling into her face in a stinking mess. „Why are you still here?!! Go away!!! Get out of my life!“ There was the shuffling of footsteps and a tall man came out of what passed for the living room of the house, amber eyes dull and clouded, the spark that once had been there long gone. „You’ve done enough! Go!! Go and die!!!“ Shinpachi’s eyes were wide with shock, as he heard that, while Sano just watched the hysterics with trained apathy. His father just stood there, not doing anything. „Go and die!!!“ the woman repeated, but this time, her voice cracked a little at the end of the sentence. Shinpachi could just watch frozen to the spot as he woman slowly collapsed into a pile of sobs onto the floor. „Go and...go and die... Die...“ the woman helplessly sobbed. „DIE!!!“
Sano turned away and lead a stunned Shinpachi into a sparsely decorated room, with a matt at the centre of it, a table at the window and an old chair. The few shelves contained his school things and a few books bought from second hand and a row of tapes, with a few records at the far end of the bottom shelf.
„Here’s my room.“ Sano said in a dull voice. „Make yourself at home, though you’ll need a lot of imagination to achieve that, as you’ve seen.“
Sano sunk into a chair at the same time Shinpachi’s shock broke out.
„What the hell was that?!!!“
Sano looked at his horrified friend and amber met saphire, but this time instead of fire, his look held pain.
„That, Shinpachi, were my parents. My alcoholic mother and my good-for-nothing father.“
Shinpachi sunk onto the matt in the center of the room. „That woman...“ It was as if the thought terrified him to no ends, so Sano finished the sentence for him.
„Was my mother, yes.“
Shinpachi looked at him in utter disbelief.
„That drunk woman? The one who told you to die?!“
„Nice mom I have there, huh?“
„No shit. Fuck, Sano, you...“
„You understand now why I didn’t want you to come over?“
„Yeah. No one would be proud having that home. Are you sure they don’t hurt you?“
Sano shook his head.
„Not physically, at least. But sometimes I wish they would. At least...show they know I’m here.“
Shinpachi crawled next him and put a hand on his shoulder. „How...how did it...What happened?“
„Apparently, I am an unwanted child.“
„That? That’s it?! That’s everything?!!“
„They have no restraints on showing me this fact. But yeah, that’s it.“
Shinpachi had really hard time believing that. Surely even if the child was unwanted, one would at least take care of it if he already kept it.
„But there’s...there’s got to be something behind that. They can’t just be like that for no reasons!“
„There are reasons. I don’t know the whole story, but from what I’ve gathered and from what little questions my father answered, I was in the way of my mom’s carreer. I’m born on Shikoku and that’s where I lived the early years of my childhood. I remember it as the only time when I was happy.“ Sano closed his eyes as memories so vivid he could almost touch them flooded through him. As he closed his eyes he almost felt the carress of the wind on the Sunny beach. „On good days, I went fishing with my father, on bad days Sanji-sensei would come over and teach me martial arts. I remember the Sun shining every day and the sound of the waves lulling me into sleep.“ He basked in the memory for a while, seeing the beach in front of him, tasting the salty water on his lips. He swore his hands had held the fish minutes before. But nonetheless, even though vivid, it was still only a memory. Sano opened his eyes and looked out of the dirty window. It was already dark outside and he continued his story. „We moved away shortly before I started elementary. At that time I didn’t understand, but I think my mother has wanted it. She had always dreamed of going to Kyoto, or Tokyo and make something out of her life, when she was the same age I am now.“
„But she got pregnant.“
Sano nodded. „Yeah. She was pretty young and you know how those times were. You get pregnant, you have to marry quickly to conceal it was out of matrimony.“
Shinpachi nodded.
„Both, my mother and my father were from fairly poor families, but the one who minded more was my mom, I think. It seems she dreamed of becoming someone, of studying, of getting herself a good job and money...but after she had me she...she just sorta gave up. She started drinking shortly after we moved. She got always more violent and she started screaming at me and blaming me for everything. I didn’t understand why, and I kept asking myself what I’ve done wrong. I tried to be nice to her, I kept helping her in everything, sometimes I even cooked instead of her. And when I was twelve...“ Sano hesitated, but then decided it was for the best to get it out in one go. „As I was twelve she told me that if she had the money at the time, she would have aborted me.“
Shinpachi looked honestly horrified.
„Jesus Christ...“
„It has only gotten worse since then. By now we are almost homeless beggars. Both of my parents are jobless, so I have to get the money into the house. I’ve been working since junior high. At first I’ve shared the income, but soon I found out, that it got wasted on mom’s alcohol, so I’ve stoped giving them money. I honestly don’t know how they don’t starve. I hide the money and when time comes, I pay the tuition. The rest is for food and shampoo. Sometimes books and clothes. Or covers.“
„You do know it’s-“
„Forbidden to work while you’re in school, I know. But what other choice do I have?“
„Make someone else pay and then pay them back, once you can.“
Sano smiled. „Sanji-sensei has offered me exactly that. But I don’t want alms. I’ve been fine untill now. It’s just a few more years. Then I can go to university and leave it all behind.“
„You have the same dream as your mother.“
„It’s not a dream.“ Sano looked deep into Shinpachi’s eyes. „It’s survival instinct.“
It would have made a good pun, but Shinpachi felt that Sano was dead serious, so he only nodded. Suddenly something came to him.
„How many jobs do you even have? I mean, the tuition at our school is pretty expensivie. Is it enough?“
„No. Most of the time it isn’t.“ Sano answered truthfully. There was no need to hide it anyway.
„Then how do you pay?“
Sano looked away. „You haven’t heard?“ He always thought it was an open secret at school.
Shinpachi spoke very carefully. „I heard the rumors, but...“
Sano nodded. „Aiba-senpai. Yoshiwara-chan. Takenaga-senpai. Aizawa-senpai. Koishikawa-chan.“ All those pretty girls that came to him...he didn’t even like them, but they still wanted him to fuck them into oblivion. „They all pay me for a fuck. And they pay well.“
„You are selling yourself?“
„Still better than working at a brothel. If they want me to fuck them, at least they should make it worth the while. I know it’s cheap, but doesn’t it make them even cheaper that in spite of knowing that, they still ask? I need the money, they do it just for fun.“ If he had to fuck someone he didn’t like, he wanted a compensation.
„Still...how can you live like that?“ Sad, blue eyes were looking at him.
„Barely.“ Sano admitted as he looked at Shinpachi again. „Please, don’t tell anyone. They would kick me off the school, if this came out.“
„I’ll keep shut. But in turn, you’ll let me help you how I can.“
To say the lest, Sano was surprised.
„Why would you want to do that?“
Shinpachi’ s smile was just a tiny bit sad. „I thought that was pretty clear. Cause you’re a friend, that’s why.“
Sano looked into Shinpachi’s honest eyes and slowly a smile formed on his face. Maybe it really hadn’t been such a bad idea to take Shinpachi to his place, after all. Sano wished he could say something to show how much those words meant to him, but no sound came out. However, it seemed, Shinpachi still heard it as he returned the smile with a small nod.
There was silence for a while, when Shinpachi spoke.
„You know, I would kinda want my parents to be like yours?“ He snorted, but as he saw Sano’s look of disapproval, he quickly added. „For different reasons than you might think.“ He looked away. „It would be more honest.“
Sano’s eyebrows shot into his hair and Shinpachi sighed.
„You see, I have always been the little sunshine of the family. First-born son, sportive type, but good at many subjects, I would make the perfect popular type and they would have something to be proud of. And they were, at elementary. But at Junior High I started asking myself, what would be if I suddenly turned badass, dropped grades and went down the bad path. I kept asking myself: Would they let me fall, or help me back on my way?“
Understanding spread across Sano’s features.
„So you tried it out.“
Shinpachi nodded.
„And? How did it turn out?“
Shinpachi smirked, but it didn’t feel as arrogant and confident as usually. It had something sad.
„They threatened to disown me. Only my granny stood to me. Since that day I lack the motivation to do something good. Cause, you know – for what purpose? Earlier the purpose had been to please my parents, but now I don’t wanna do that anymore. Not when they care for me only once I do.“
Sano put his hand on Shinpachi’s and his friend gave him a smile.
„And then you came along and tore me out of my apathy.“ He said. „You know what I thought when I first laid eyes on you?“
Sano shook his head.
„That you’re full of life. Full of defiance, full of want to achieve something. You had your own opinion and stood firmly with both of your feet on the ground. You were so unlike all the others, who only thought of their money, their fingernails and status quo. You were someone different.“
A smile spread across Sano’s features as he heard those words. He knew he was sticking out even to strangers, but this was the first time someone told him that was a good thing. He squeezed Shinpachi’s hand firmly.
„Thanks. It means a lot.“
Shinpachi looked into his eyes.
„Friends forever?“
A warm feeling spread through Sano’s chest and his smile widened just a bit, when he nodded.
„Friends forever.“
ox*xo
page 2
Name: First cut is the deepest
Author:
manaikaSeries: Hakuoki
Pairing: Shinpachi/Sanosuke
Rating: not under 16 – read warnings
Warnings: Sexual intercourse between people younger than 18, mild drugs abuse (meaning nicotine, meaning cigarettes), usage of alcohol, mentions of sexual intercourse for the purpose of obtaining money, also portrayal of gang-life and suicide themes... It sounds more horrible than it actually is. I used to read far worse and far darker things when I was 14, but since it’s a rule, I have to censore it. I still don’t think it’s graphic enough to cause a child a trauma (most of the teenagers in Europe have been through worse things in their life than reading something like this and still turned out fine), or not safe to read, but it doesn’t change the fact that I still have to censore it. I suggest you read it on your own risk, if you are under 16. You know yourself the best what you can and what you cannot bear. As I said, it’s nothing graphic. If it was, it would have to be locked.
Summary: Made for
30kisses, list Nu/acquisition. Shinpachi and Sanosuke deal with their love, their lives and with the changing times. 20: The past will always be there to haunt you.Disclaimer: I do not own Hakuoki, or any of it’s characters. The creators do. My muse owns the idea of the fic, myself the work and the time I put into writing it. Credit me at least those, ok?
Author’s notes
The Past Arc. If you kept wondering about the past of our favorite SSL teacher’s, this is what you read. Starrs Shiranui, of course.
Before you start reading, please take note of the length. I did my best to erase the most of the typos and errors I unintentionally made and upon later time be banging my head against the wall for them.
Now there’s only one more thing to say: Enjoy!
Previous parts are HERE
PRICE II: First cut is the deepest
#20. never trust anyone wearing better clothing than you.
The Winter was always darker in Kyoto than the Summer. Heavy clouds hung above the city, shielding it from the mighty Sun, the days were shorter and the night fell early, there were almost no stars in the skies and the light of the moon was cold and pale. Sano didn’t like it. It was harder to learn during the winter months, than in Summer and if there was one thing he needed to do, it was to learn. His poor family couldn’t afford university and he needed to graduate with honors if he wanted a stipendium. And he wanted a stipendium, go to university and make something out of his life. He had no interest in ending up like his parents, freezing in a small house, doing nothing but down heavy alcohol, wallowing in their misery all day. In order to pay his tuition he had to work hard, illegaly of course. High schoolers weren’t allowed to work after all.
Karma wasn’t on his side in this life, that much was sure. Not that he was complaining, Sano never complained about anything. There were people who had it much worse than him, after all. It was just that, it was so hard to stay awake when it was dark outside and even harder to stay awake during lessons if one worked till dawn. It was a good thing that Spring was finally knocking onto the doors, but it was also very hard to learn in Spring. With everything blooming, waking up and coming to life, if was really distracting. Random thoughts about life came to him then and a feeling of melancholical apathy spread through him. Sano wished something exciting would happen. Something to wake him up and raise his mood. Something that didn’t happen yesterday or the day before, something to disturb this boring routine that has established since day one in the the freshmen class...
„Did you hear?“ It came from the desk next to him, as his classmates discussed the newest gossip, as per usual. It hadn’t been a month into the schoolyear and the two girls morphed into the best friends forever. „A second year droped a grade and will be taking lessons with us.“
Sano’s ears perked up. Not that he was a gossip whore, but at the prospect of something that could keep him up, he was ready to sell his soul.
„Really? One would think he would change schools in such a situation.“
„I hear his parents wouldn’t let him, because this is the best school available.“
Of course this was the best school available in Kyoto. Sano’s purse felt it every time he had to pay to be able to study at it.
„He’s one of those rich kids, yanno.“
Hearing that, Sano already knew he would hate the new classmate.
„It’s said, that the only reason he stays at this school, is his father’s moneybag.“
„’Supporting the school’, huh?“
„Yup.“
Sano blocked the rest of the conversation out. Great. Like he needed another of those snobs that would make him feel where his place was. He looked around the class. There were several free seats, so chances were that he could avoid the fellow. Hopefully the teacher won’t think that seating the kid next to Sano would be ’good influence’. Unlike his schoolmates, most of the teachers liked Sano, because he showed interest in the subjects and was a good student, in spite of the little time he had to learn.
Sano sighed. At least there was something positive in his life.
That was when the bell rung and the students hurried to their places for the first hour of the day. Sano kept wondering whether it was safe for him to risk a nap. He had slept 4 hours and he wouldn’t get much more sleep than that tonight. He was exhausted and the homeroom class was always the most boring class of the day.
The teacher came in with slow lazy steps as usually, stiffling his yawn. Oh how much Sano wanted to sleep...
„Class, attention please.“
Aw hell.
„I would like you to welcome a new student.“
In spite of his tiredness, it gained Sano’s interest. Subconsciously he straightened up.
„Nagakura-kun, if you please.“
The first thing that came to Sano was, that the new one was tall. Taller than Sano even, who with his 1,80 m stood tallest of the class. And from the looks of it, the long bones were backed up by a bunch of hard muscles. Sano briefly wondered if the guy could beat him at wrestling. He certainly made that look possible, Sano thought, with that air of arrogant confidence around him.
For a moment the eyes of the guy met with his and Sano was startled to find them a bright, azure blue. Something flashed through them and the lips quirked into a arrogant smirk.
Sano’s eyes narrowed. He didn’t like that guy.
„Yo.“
Sano bit back a sneer. That was his trademark greeting!
„Nagakura Shinpachi.“
That was it. No „Nice to meet you“ or „A pleasure to be here“, his entire stance reflecting how much above them he felt himself. Sano’s scowl got deeper. How dare he?! Wasn’t it him who dropped a grade?
„Nagakura-kun, sit down next to Harada-kun.“
Sano forced the groan back into his throat before it broke out. Karma deffinitely hated him. There was no other possible explanation.
The smirk grew and Sano supressed the urge to strangle the guy.
„Sure.“
Karma was a bitch, Sano decided.
It took exactly an hour and half for the first fight between them to break out. It happened during PE, a subject they both excelled at. Untill now, Sano was the unbeaten champion at every PE subject, be it baseball or wrestling. It would have made him the star of the class, wouldn’t it be for his financial situation. These rich snobs didn’t let a single soul penetrate their rows, but Sano’s good grades and physical prowess made sure that he didn’t end up as a complete outsider. But now the tables turned. If someone stronger and better at PE than Sano appeared, the class would put a ’nerd-stamp’ on him, regardless of how physically strong or athletic he was. Sano would hate that. He was NOT a nerd. He liked his body and he liked to take care of it. Even in his poor surroundings he always managed to stay clean and he found time to do his workout every day. He would not let a rich, spoiled brat ruin his reputation. The only way he could prevent that, was to prove he was better at PE. The most adequate description of their current situation would be ’two cocks on one dunghill’. Sano could already see Sanji-sensei roll high eyes. Normally it would have been a piece of cake to prove himself at PE, but looking at the new one, Sano wasn’t so sure anymore. Nagakura had muscles. Big muscles. Pretty nice muscles. Sano would have stared if he didn’t loath that rich oaf so much.
Sano had already come to terms with the fact that he wasn’t as straight as he could be. Sure, he liked pretty woman and he even liked more to fuck them, but he wasn’t opposed to the idea of being fucked too. He blamed it all on America. A decade ago there was this blasted boom and now it seemed to have come to Japan. Thus, Sano couldn’t change it, so he didn’t even try. So what if he found staring at firm asses and hard muscles pleasent? It wasn’t like he assaulted that person right away, or tried sneaking into their pants. Sano knew better than that. Besides, he had somehow the reputation of a gigolo, which was a lot easier reputation to deal with than a fag.
But back to the topic.
Nagakura and his firm muscles. Cocks on one dunghill. Cocks on one...Sano resisted the urge to slap himself. He ought to stay away from that gay porn, he had somehow managed to obtain, for a while.
„Alright class!“ Sanji-sensei spoke after they did the attendance. „Today we’ll do baskettball! Team captains will be Harada and...“ the teacher looked around, deciding for the captain of their rival team. It was always very hard to pick a second captain suitable for a baskettball team with those shrimps their class had. „Nagakura.“
Sano smirked. Great. Baskettball was his forte. This would settle them. Their eyes met and challenge sparked. Nagakura was going down.
Ten minutes later he wasn’t so sure anymore. The score was 15:12 for Sano’s team and Nagakura had the ball, heading straight for their baskett. Sano had never played so much on defense before. He noticed a blind spot and shouted for a classmate to cover it. They would not let them score. He would personally see to that.
Nagakura was ready to throw the ball. His knees bent, arms pulled to his chest, the ball held by mere fingertips. Sano would have paused to admire the stance, if his situation was any different. Suddenly the strong body stretched, the ball flew out of the arms, right towards the baskett. The same moment Sano moved, catching the ball and advanced to the oponents side, leaving a dumbfounded Nagakura behind. He used the moment of surprise to get to the rival baskett. One, two three, throw. 18:12.
The advantage lasted.
By the time the teacher signaled for break, Sano’s team was leading 24:12, mostly thanks to his height and speed. Sano patted himself mentally on the back. He had played like never before. And never had he felt so alive either. It felt really good to have a challenge. He stole a glance at Nagakura, whose face, in spite of the grimm score, was split into a grinn. Maybe, just maybe, that guy wasn’t as bad as Sano thought. At least, he would make a good rival. Sano smirked. Yeah, he could live with that. And it wasn’t like he was admitting it anytime soon.
A week later Sano was taking it all back. Nagakura was as bad as they came. A nosey, annoying, cocky, arrogant, self-centered macho. And he wouldn’t leave Sano in peace.
„So.“
Sano supressed a groan. He had been checking the results of the math test they had last week, only to find himself on place 15 with score B+, so he wasn’t in the best of moods.
„What do you want?“
„Rumor has it, you banged Aiba-senpai last week against Ito-senpai’s locker.“ Nagakura was grinning that shit-eating grinn again.
„I don’t see why it should be any of your business.“
„Oh come on! You banged Miss Bombastic Boobs! Miss Wanna-taste-my-milk?! Miss I-can-get-any-man-because-I’ve-got-size-E! It’s practically a public issue!“
Sano was getting distinctly sick.
„Fuck off, Nagakura.“
„No way! Ya tellin’ me how ya doin’ it!“
„As a matter of fact, not any different than several millions of males on this planet when they have sex with females, I assure you.“
„Not that! How’dya get them around?“
Actually, it was the other way around. The girls came to him. He didn’t know why, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to know anyway. It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered, but grades.
„None of your business.“
„Come on, spill it!“
Sano almost remarked if it was his seed, or his spit Nagakura wanted him to spill, but he held himself back.
„And against Ito-senpai’s locker! You’ve got some guts!!“
Admittedly, that had been one of his better ideas, Sano thought. But no way he was letting that Nagakura know.
„Look, Nagakura. I’ve got things to do.“
„Like banging Aiba-senpai?“
„No.“ Banging Yoshiwara-chan, actually. „I have work. I would really appreciate you would leave now.“
„In the way, am I?“
„Actually, yes.“
Nagakura grinned. „Fine. But you’ll spill the details later. Ciao!“
Sano sighed as he watched the retreating back, asking himself for the thousendth time, why it was him, who was a people magnet. And why the hell did he attract idiots?
His look wandered back to the math results, as if the sheet of paper could provide an answer to all of his questions, when his eyes fell onto the highest score. Wow, someone had full points. His eyes almost fell out as he read the name next to it. Nagakura Shinpachi. No. Way. No way in hell that idiot could have so much luck! That guy dropped a grade because his results at the end of the term weren’t good enough to advance to the next grade! And such an idiot scored the highest in math?! Unbelievable.
That shithead had some undiscovered inner talents, apparently, Sano thought sardonically. But a small voice inside of him reprimanded him promptly. What had Nagakura done to wrong him, besides being attached to his hip like some puppy? Sano bit his lips as the answer came to him: Nothing.
Alright, so maybe he wasn’t being fair to Nagakura, but there was something that made him uneasy around the guy. Nagakura wasn’t showing his full colors yet. There had to be a reason why he so decidedly hung around Sano, right? He couldn’t just want to be (and Sano gulped at the word) friends so suddenly and spontanously, just because of a game they played and a few more encounters that proved their equality in sports, could he?
Or was it just Sano’s cautiousness speaking and it was indeed as easy, even for someone like him, to make friends.
Sano sighed yet again. Why was this so complicated?
Maybe he could allow himself to drop his guard a bit around Nagakura. It would be nice not to have to be so cautious about everyone, having someone to open up to. Someone to talk to. Someone to understand.
Alright. He would observe for a while more and then he would decide if Nagakura was indeed a worthy friend.
Sano’s lips quirked into a small smile.
Maybe Karma wasn’t on his bad side after all.
Later that week he found out how wrong he’d been. It was just two days after the ’interrogation’, as he came to call it, that Nagakura caught him behind the gym. Sano’d been learning there for the math test he decided to retake (B+ was nice, but not good enough for a stipendium), when Nagakura came across the corner, looking like death warmed over. The guy’s hair was a mess, like he’d been tossing and turning the entire night, his skin was sickly pale and he had a wild look in his eyes. Sano’s eyebrows disappeared into his hair.
„What the hell?! You look like shit!!“
Nagakura didn’t answer, just marched straight towards him. Sano had barely the time to realize that something was very wrong, when he was forcefully yanked upwards by the collar of his uniform.
„Alright, enough of the games.“
To say the least, Sano was surprised. For the last two weeks he’d been around, Nagakura neevr showed any kind of force towards anyone. He was arrogant, wild, spoiled and unbound. Rough around the edges, but Sano instinctively felt, that inside he was a big ole teddy bear.
That instinctive feeling disappeared into thin air.
Nagakura wasn’t showing anything else now than brute force, anger and violence and Sano realized that this was the piece he’d been missing, the one part that would complete the picture of this man. This very dark piece. This was the real Nagakura, pushed beyond his limits. This was Nagakura in his raw nature. A wild, bloodthirsty animal.
„Give me your money.“
Needless to say, Sano was shocked.
„What?!“
Nagakura had been after his money?! The money that he’d shed blood and sweat for to have it? Money he used sorely for educational purposes? Money invested into his future, instead of any passing fancy that struck him? Sano had to admit, that somewhere it hurt. Somewhere deep inside of him, it was like a dagger into his back. An ice cold wave that estinguished every tiny sliver of hope for friends he could ever have. No way he was giving his well earned, deserved payment to this rich, spoiled, stupid oaf. No. Fucking. Way!
„Forget it!“
Nagakura made a grab for his bag and Sano reacted on instinct. He kicked Nagakura into the side and with a half turn he brought himself and his bag out of the spoiled brat’s reach.
„Give!“
„No!“
Nagakura dove for him and Sano ducked. He wasn’t surprised to realize that Nagakura had to have been doing some kind of martial arts, at one point. Aikkidou, or Kendo, perhaps both. Well, fine. Sano had learned his fair share of martial arts too.
„What do you need it for anyway?! Go and earn your own!“
„Give!“
„Fuck off!“
Another struggle ensued.
This was highly disappointing. Someone he’d thought of as almost a friend, was after his money. Needless to say, Sano was angry. How could he have allowed himself to be so deluded? How could he have thought even for a second, that a rich brat would voluntarily make friends with somehow as poor as him, if he didn’t gain something of it himself. Even if it was just money.
The sheer irony made him laugh. Someone so rich, stealing from someone as poor as him...The world was a damn unfair place!
In his small moment of distraction, Nagakura caught him by surprise. He almost got the bag, but Sano didn’t let it go. They fought like animals and by the end of it, when Sano was bleeding from his nose and his right ear was ringing, but he was still winning, Nagakura was beginning to be desperate.
„Give!“
„Never!“
„Damnit, I need it, can’t you tell?!!!“
„What the freezing hell for?!!“
„They’ll kill me if I don’t pay up!!!“
This admission shocked them both.
„Who’ll kill you?“
For a moment, Nagakura hesitated, but in the end, acknowledging defeat, he let go of the bag and looked away. „The upperclassmen.“ No use in denying it now. „I...I made a bet with them and I lost. I have to pay them ten mil by the end of the week.“
Sano’s world spun suddenly, with shock. „Ten...ten million yen?“ he whispered in utter disbelief. He had around 10 000 yen for food for a month, Sano found himself comparing.
„Yeah. Dad won’t give me the money and I wasted my allowance already.“
Sano felt faint.
„There...there’s this rumor that the upperclassman I owe the money, that he’s in the...you know...yakuza. Well, not him, but his father.“
„Yakuza.“
„Yeah.“
„That’s some deep shit you’re in.“
„Yeah.“
Sano sighed. „I’m sorry, but I can’t give you any money. It’s...I’m paying my tuition with it.“
„Huh? Your parents don’t pay your school?“
„My parents don’t really...“
„Your parents don’t really what?“
„Nevermind. Anyway, I can’t give you the money.“
Shinpachi sighed. „No helping it then. There’s one more source I can borrow from. He won’t mind, but...Ah, well. My own damn fault for getting into this mess in the first place. Shoulda realized that they would cheat me.“
It caught Sano‘s attention. „They cheated?!“
„Yeah, but I can’t prove it. It’s just, I counted the probability of my guess being right and combined with the asymptotic theory, every possible combination included, and with the fact that statistics side with small numbers...Harada, are you listening?“
Sano had to get this blank look on his face, the one he got whenever someone started explaining anything related to maths, because Nagakura was looking at him very worriedly, in a complete opposite to before.
Sano shook his head a little to gain his focus back. „You lost me at the asymbiotic theory.“
„Asymptotic.“
„Whatever.“
As Nagakura saw that Sano was fine, he continued his explanation. „Anyway, as a mathematical fact, I should have won the bet. I haven’t, so that means they cheated.“
Sano nodded, understanding as much. „And if you tell the teachers, the senpais will just deny it.“
„Yeah.“
Pretty fucked up. Sano could somehow relate.
„Sucks to be you then.“
Nagakura smiled. „Coulda been worse. I hear you don’t have it easy either.“
Sano only smiled bitterly and the reality of the fight came back. Nagakura didn’t look much happy either, as he scratched the back of his head.
„Harada?“
„Yeah?“
„Sorry I leashed out.“
A small smile cracked Sano’s face. This was the first time someone apologized to him. Feeling a little better, he tried to joke.
„Oh don’t worry, I’m pretty used to it.“
Shinpachi took the bait, as if hoping to fix whatever he’d broken.
„I figured as you dodged. That was some cool move!“
Now Sano was smirking. „Tani-sensei will be pleased to hear that.“
„What?!“ Nagakura looked mildly shocked and Sano felt a sudden surge of confidence shoot through him. „Tani-sensei? Tani-sensei taught you that?!“
Sano nodded. „Yeah. He lived in the same village as I, when I was little. He was a teenager, I was five and he sometimes took care of me when my parents were...indisposed. He was kinda like a brother to me. I even call him privately Sanji-sensei. He showed me a few moves cause he thought they could be usefull.“
„They are great! Somehow, as you moved, it felt like real survival instinct.“
Sano cringed as an unpleasent memory flashed through him, good mood and confidence gone. „Cause it was.“
„Huh?“ Nagakura looked startled and for some reason Sano found himself elaborating.
„I’ve lived mostly on the streets for as long as I can remember. You’ve got to know how to defend yourself if you’re nine and some bullies want the money you’ve worked so hard for.“
His words completely shut the ever talkative Nagakura up, but the otherwise silent Sano couldn’t stop talking, the words spilling from his lips like a current.
„In fact, I loathe you. You and all those rich kids at this school. You think you’re something better because daddy’s got the money, mommy’s gonna kiss it alright and a bunch of people are waiting for a word you say, happy to die for you. You think life is just a play about wasting money and bringing oneself into dangerous situation that a simple bunch of bucks will solve. You have no idea how life works, but the worst is you’ll never even know it, because mommy and daddy will keep you in that secure, little, dream-like world you call life. Nothing’s gonna change, so why try, right? Aw hell, you make me sick.“
Silence fell after his monologue upon them. After a while it became unbearable and Sano left.
Nagakura didn’t follow him.
If Sano thought that his words could make Nagakura stop annoying the living daylights out of him, he’d apparently miscalculated his chances. Again. Math was deffinitely not one of his strong points. Because whatever stupor it was that had seized Nagakura at that day, it didn’t last too long. Next thing Sano knew, his annoying classmate was breathing down his neck again.
Sano was just going through his retaken math test. He’d scored A- this time. Not as bad, but still not what he wanted. Actually it had been just his rotten luck, that the teacher gave him the exact problems that he’d been excercising on.
„Yo!“
Sano tried to ignore him.
„I know you heard me.“
Sano tried very hard not to roll his eyes, pointingly silent. However Nagakura seemed hell-bent on getting a response out of him.
„You made a mistake at the third consecution.“
„What the hell do you want?“
Nagakura smirked in victory and Sano actually did roll his eyes.
„Nothing in particular, really.“
„Then why the fuck do you keep following me like a damn shadow?“
Nagakura shrugged. „Cause you provide a good shield?“
Sano gave him a look. „That was bloody lame.“
Nagakura shrugged again.
Sano sighed. „I mean it, though. I try my best to shake you off, I say I loathe you and that you make me sick, I beat you at baskett ball, I refuse to loan you money and you still hang around me. Why?“
Nagakura looked away and for a while Sano thought he won’t reply, untill finally a simple answer came: „You fought.“
„Huh?“
„You wouldn’t have been the first one I took money from forcibly, but you were the first one who fought. You are also the only one who didn’t try to get me spill why I dropped a grade and why my father did his best to keep me at this school. Everyone’s been going on about it since day one, and yet no one will look into my eyes when they talk to me. You do. You never treated me as the something special I am supposed to be. You even had the guts to beat me at baskettball, which is something no one in my old class dared. You’re brazen, witty and smart. And really popular with the girls. In other words, you are everything I am not. I’m no one special to you and that’s why I like being around you, if that makes sense.“
Somehow, it did, Sano found himself thinking.
To put it bluntly, he was awed. But somehow, a tiny part of himself, felt flattered. A small smile started forming on Sano’s face. Perhaps, but really only perhaps, the prospect of him having friends wasn’t as out of reach as he thought it was.
„You can be yourself around me.“
„Exactly.“ Nagakura breathed.
And suddenly inspiration struck Sano and the small smile grew wider.
„Hey.“
„Hm?“
„You’re good at maths, right?“
„Howd’ya figure?“
„You had the highest score of the class, with full points. No way that was a coincidence.“
Nagakura looked away. „So what? It’s the only subject besides PE and english I have motivation for.“
Sano recalled one of his gossipy classmates say something about Nagakura knowing three foreign languages.
„You could tutor me.“
That earned him a wide-eyed look of surprise.
„WHAT?!“
„I would need some tutoring in math. I can count alright, but some of the background gets lost when the teacher explains it. And my english conversation could use polishing. In turn, I can tutor you in every other subject you want. If we are hanging out together, we might as well have some use from it.“
Nagakura looked away. „What makes you think I need tutoring?“
„You dropped a grade, right? There’s gotta be a reason for that.“
„If I told you I did it on purpose?“
Sano was startled to find out, that it didn’t surprise him at all.
„I wouldn’t put it past you.“
Nagakura’s look snapped back to him.
„But I still don’t think that you are equally genius in every other subject as you are in math and english. I can’t imagine you being the biology, or chemistry type. Physics perhaps...“
„Biology. I have problems with biology. And History. I just don’t get it. At all the other subjects I mostly lack motivation.“
Sano smirked. „Will a challenge from me be motivation enough?“
Shinpachi raised an eyebrow.
Sano’s smirk grew.
„See, I want to graduate with honors to get a stipendium. I challenge you to do better than me.“
„You can’t possibly be serious.“
„I am absolutely serious.“
Shinpachi burst out laughing and Sano relished in the deep sound of it. It was a laugh that resonated within you.
„You’re the most brazen, most cocky, most wicked guy I’ve ever met! Fine then!“ Shinpachi looked directly into his eyes. „I accept your challenge! And I’ll tutor you! But in turn, you’ll have to come with me to the dojo!“
Sano raised an eyebrow.
„What dojo?“
„It’s name’s Shiekan. It’s being run by a very nice person, who has always been there for me. He won’t mind if we, say, sparr a little.“
Sano’s face split into a grinn. „I’ll crush you.“
„We’ll see about that. And one more thing.“
„Hm?“
„It’s Shinpachi.“ A hand was extended towards Sano and saphire eyes met amber. „My name’s Shinpachi.“
Sano regarded the outstretched hand with a smile, before he took it, his amber eyes boring themselves right through saphire. „Sano. Just Sano.“
A few weeks later, the handshake developed into a decent friendship. Shinpachi tutored him in english and math, Sano payed him back by tutoring him in everything else. When there was nothing to learn and Sano wasn’t working, they would just hang out at the dojo and sparr. It was kinda nice to have someone like that and Sano found himself often leaning into this weird friendship, seeking more of it. Even though sometimes Sano though that Shinpachi wasn’t telling him everything, that he had his dark secrets hidden, but that was as well, because Sano had his own couple of secrets. Like the fact that he never let Shinpachi come to his place. When they learned, they always did so at the dojo, or at Shinpachi’s place, they never went to Sano’s. Sano only prayed that this would go unnoticed by the other male as long as possible. He didn’t want Shinpachi to see where he lived, probably because he didn’t want to face it himself. Even though over the years he became used to the conditions he lived in, seeing it through someone else’s eyes would be like opening his own. Sano feared it would become unbearable. So he never let Shinpachi see his own home and when the issue came up, he dodged it.
Of course, Shinpachi noticed.
Sooner or later it was bound to happen. And one day, when Sano was just explaining the functions of the enzymes of the digestive system to his friend, Shinpachi brought it up.
„So, it’s good for us to drink pepsi, because it contains this enzyme and so it helps when we have problems with-“
„Sano?“
At the sound of his name, Sano looked up from the scheme he had drawn to help the explaining. Shinpachi was eyeing him with a thoughtfull look. Sano didn’t like it. The last time Shinpachi had that look, he’d asked him if he was gay. Sano of course denied it. Not only because he didn’t want his ’not-so-straightness’ come out, but also because he wasn’t entirely gay either. He liked girls. Very much so. Shinpachi had then eyed him for a long moment, as if trying to decide whether to believe him, or not, but in the end, he didn’t push. But Sano doubted he’d believed him entirely. Shinpachi might have been an airhead at the most of the times, but he was unusually perceptive when it came to his close friends. So it was perfectly justified, that Sano tensed up when Shinpachi gave him one of those perceptive, thoughtfull looks.
„What is it? Did I not explain it clearly?“ he tried to distract his friend, but without success.
„Why do we never stay at your place?“
Sano froze. The question came very unexpectedly and he wasn’t prepared to answer it. Yeah, sure, they had brushed the subject a few times, but Shinpachi had never asked him directly. And if the question wasn’t enough, his friend elaborated, making the hairs at the back of Sano’s neck stand up.
„Not that I mind staying at my place, with it being so huge and comfortable and everything, but I thought it was strange. I know you’re not as rich as the most of the students at our school, you’ve never denied that, so you can’t be afraid that I’ll be shocked about that. What is it really?“
Sano felt like a mouse surrounded by three large cats. Shinpachi was absolutely right, but Sano couldn’t let him find out-
„It’s your parents, am I right?“
Blast. For several moments, Sano couldn’t breathe properly. Shinpachi had hit the nail on the head.
„I mean, it can be only them. You never talk about them, and when you do, you never finish the sentence. And when I inquire you always say ’nevermind’ or ’it’s nothing’.“
Sano wanted to kick himself. He hadn’t realized he was so transparent.
„Do they hurt you?“
That was the last thing Sano expected Shinpachi to say. „What?!“ Sano would have never guessed that Shinpachi thought that. Just the thought of those people hurting him made him shake with disgust and brought back the air into his lungs. „No!“
„Then what?“
The air disappeared again, his throat painfully tight. He looked away.
„It’s-“
„Not nothing.“ Shinpachi interrupted him. „It doesn’t look like nothing to me.“
Sano considered telling his friend, he really did. But at the other end, he couldn’t risk that, he simply couldn’t. So his mind came up with a half-truth, something to satisfie his friend, but not giving away the uncomfortable things. However as his mind formed the words he wanted to say, the thought how stupid they would sound came to him.
„It’s...probably silly.“
Shinpachi’s look bored itself deep into him. „Serious enough, if I was to judge by the face you make.“
„It’s hard to get if you don’t see it yourself.“
„Is that an invitation?“
Sano looked at Shinpachi for a long time, considering it. He couldn’t keep it a secret forever. And especially not, if he wanted to become friends with Shinpachi. Friends were supposed to tell each other such things, right? And maybe he wanted to finally tell someone, show someone, wanted someone to know, share the burden with.
„Yeah.“ He finally breathed. „Yeah, why not? We’ll go tomorrow.“
Shinpachi nodded and silence settled between them, untill Shinpachi broke it. „Now, you were saying about pepsi...“
Sano shook the dark thoughts that occupied his mind after their conversation off. They still were in the middle of learning. „Yeah, right, pepsi. It’s healthy.“
„You don’t say...“
„Yeah, when you drink it, the enzyme...“
But even in spite of the fact that they had stuff to learn, Sano couldn’t stop thinking about what was about ot come. The next day went entirely by him and the walk home seemed like eternity. His legs felt heavy as lead and he wasn’t as talkative as usually.
„You are really silent today.“
„Hmm...“
Sano felt Shinpachi’s eyes on him, but he didn’t turn to his friend.
„Is it that bad?“
Honest answer would be, that Sano didn’t know.
Was it?
Probably not. But then why was he so ashamed? What was he so afraid of? Neither his mother, nor his father would hurt Shinpachi, in fact they probably, Sano swallowed hard, wouldn’t care, but...
Maybe he just didn’t want Shinpachi to hear the things he had to listen to every day. Maybe he didn’t want Shinpachi to see what he had to deal with. But why didn’t he want that? Because he would be admitting that he hadn’t been dealing with it for his entire life? That he had just put up a shield, a fortress of defensive emotions around him and turned his face away?
„Sano?“ Shinpachi inquired after he’d been silent for too long and Sano remembered tthe question. He didn’t know what to answer.
„You’ll see yourself.“
„You’re scaring me.“
„Sorry.“ Sano looked ahead of him. „There it is.“
It was a simple house, Sano noted. Wooden, slightly raised, without an upper storey, streching into the backyard instead. Cracks in the wood were visible and in the yard several bottles of alcohol were strewn carelessly. An old, used-up alarm was attached to the front door and the windows were dirty.
It was pretty run down.
„That?! You live there?“
Sano couldn’t even blame Shinpachi for the surprise in his voice.
„Yeah.“
„How do you heat?“
„We don’t.“
Shock spread across Shinpachi’s features.
„We don’t have the money. If I want to be warm, I just put more covers over myself.“
They came to the yard.
„Be carefull, some of the bottles might be broken.“
As Sano fished for his keys, Shinpachi inspected the label on one of the bottles.
„That’s pretty strong stuff. Does your father drink that?“
Sano’s heart constricted and his hand clenched into a fist around the keys. „No.“ Shinpachi looked at him questioningly. „My mother.“ Was his simple answer and he opened the door, ignoring the stunned look on Shinpachi’s face, as he turned to him. „Welcome at the house where I live.“
They stepped in.
„I’m back.“ Sano said dully and set his keys down.
No answer came. The house was mostly silent, save from the clacking sounds in the kitchen, signalizing that his mother was pouring herself another drink and his father was probably asleep in the living room. If they were lucky, they would get to his room without meeting the two other occupants of the building. Sano didn’t want Shinpachi to meet their parents. They passed a door and Sano gently patted it.
„Bathroom’s here, if you need it, but be carefull with the door. It tends to fall out of the hinges.“
Just as Sano finished the sentence, a voice came from the direction of the living room.
„Sanosuke, is that you?“
Sano supressed a groan. No luck for him today.
„Yes father.“
Before any further conversation could ensue an enraged scream came from the kitchen and a woman, drunk and dirty stormed into the hallway. Shinpachi gaped and Sano braced himself mentally.
„You useless child!“ the woman shouted, her dirty hair, that might once have been a deep shade of red, falling into her face in a stinking mess. „Why are you still here?!! Go away!!! Get out of my life!“ There was the shuffling of footsteps and a tall man came out of what passed for the living room of the house, amber eyes dull and clouded, the spark that once had been there long gone. „You’ve done enough! Go!! Go and die!!!“ Shinpachi’s eyes were wide with shock, as he heard that, while Sano just watched the hysterics with trained apathy. His father just stood there, not doing anything. „Go and die!!!“ the woman repeated, but this time, her voice cracked a little at the end of the sentence. Shinpachi could just watch frozen to the spot as he woman slowly collapsed into a pile of sobs onto the floor. „Go and...go and die... Die...“ the woman helplessly sobbed. „DIE!!!“
Sano turned away and lead a stunned Shinpachi into a sparsely decorated room, with a matt at the centre of it, a table at the window and an old chair. The few shelves contained his school things and a few books bought from second hand and a row of tapes, with a few records at the far end of the bottom shelf.
„Here’s my room.“ Sano said in a dull voice. „Make yourself at home, though you’ll need a lot of imagination to achieve that, as you’ve seen.“
Sano sunk into a chair at the same time Shinpachi’s shock broke out.
„What the hell was that?!!!“
Sano looked at his horrified friend and amber met saphire, but this time instead of fire, his look held pain.
„That, Shinpachi, were my parents. My alcoholic mother and my good-for-nothing father.“
Shinpachi sunk onto the matt in the center of the room. „That woman...“ It was as if the thought terrified him to no ends, so Sano finished the sentence for him.
„Was my mother, yes.“
Shinpachi looked at him in utter disbelief.
„That drunk woman? The one who told you to die?!“
„Nice mom I have there, huh?“
„No shit. Fuck, Sano, you...“
„You understand now why I didn’t want you to come over?“
„Yeah. No one would be proud having that home. Are you sure they don’t hurt you?“
Sano shook his head.
„Not physically, at least. But sometimes I wish they would. At least...show they know I’m here.“
Shinpachi crawled next him and put a hand on his shoulder. „How...how did it...What happened?“
„Apparently, I am an unwanted child.“
„That? That’s it?! That’s everything?!!“
„They have no restraints on showing me this fact. But yeah, that’s it.“
Shinpachi had really hard time believing that. Surely even if the child was unwanted, one would at least take care of it if he already kept it.
„But there’s...there’s got to be something behind that. They can’t just be like that for no reasons!“
„There are reasons. I don’t know the whole story, but from what I’ve gathered and from what little questions my father answered, I was in the way of my mom’s carreer. I’m born on Shikoku and that’s where I lived the early years of my childhood. I remember it as the only time when I was happy.“ Sano closed his eyes as memories so vivid he could almost touch them flooded through him. As he closed his eyes he almost felt the carress of the wind on the Sunny beach. „On good days, I went fishing with my father, on bad days Sanji-sensei would come over and teach me martial arts. I remember the Sun shining every day and the sound of the waves lulling me into sleep.“ He basked in the memory for a while, seeing the beach in front of him, tasting the salty water on his lips. He swore his hands had held the fish minutes before. But nonetheless, even though vivid, it was still only a memory. Sano opened his eyes and looked out of the dirty window. It was already dark outside and he continued his story. „We moved away shortly before I started elementary. At that time I didn’t understand, but I think my mother has wanted it. She had always dreamed of going to Kyoto, or Tokyo and make something out of her life, when she was the same age I am now.“
„But she got pregnant.“
Sano nodded. „Yeah. She was pretty young and you know how those times were. You get pregnant, you have to marry quickly to conceal it was out of matrimony.“
Shinpachi nodded.
„Both, my mother and my father were from fairly poor families, but the one who minded more was my mom, I think. It seems she dreamed of becoming someone, of studying, of getting herself a good job and money...but after she had me she...she just sorta gave up. She started drinking shortly after we moved. She got always more violent and she started screaming at me and blaming me for everything. I didn’t understand why, and I kept asking myself what I’ve done wrong. I tried to be nice to her, I kept helping her in everything, sometimes I even cooked instead of her. And when I was twelve...“ Sano hesitated, but then decided it was for the best to get it out in one go. „As I was twelve she told me that if she had the money at the time, she would have aborted me.“
Shinpachi looked honestly horrified.
„Jesus Christ...“
„It has only gotten worse since then. By now we are almost homeless beggars. Both of my parents are jobless, so I have to get the money into the house. I’ve been working since junior high. At first I’ve shared the income, but soon I found out, that it got wasted on mom’s alcohol, so I’ve stoped giving them money. I honestly don’t know how they don’t starve. I hide the money and when time comes, I pay the tuition. The rest is for food and shampoo. Sometimes books and clothes. Or covers.“
„You do know it’s-“
„Forbidden to work while you’re in school, I know. But what other choice do I have?“
„Make someone else pay and then pay them back, once you can.“
Sano smiled. „Sanji-sensei has offered me exactly that. But I don’t want alms. I’ve been fine untill now. It’s just a few more years. Then I can go to university and leave it all behind.“
„You have the same dream as your mother.“
„It’s not a dream.“ Sano looked deep into Shinpachi’s eyes. „It’s survival instinct.“
It would have made a good pun, but Shinpachi felt that Sano was dead serious, so he only nodded. Suddenly something came to him.
„How many jobs do you even have? I mean, the tuition at our school is pretty expensivie. Is it enough?“
„No. Most of the time it isn’t.“ Sano answered truthfully. There was no need to hide it anyway.
„Then how do you pay?“
Sano looked away. „You haven’t heard?“ He always thought it was an open secret at school.
Shinpachi spoke very carefully. „I heard the rumors, but...“
Sano nodded. „Aiba-senpai. Yoshiwara-chan. Takenaga-senpai. Aizawa-senpai. Koishikawa-chan.“ All those pretty girls that came to him...he didn’t even like them, but they still wanted him to fuck them into oblivion. „They all pay me for a fuck. And they pay well.“
„You are selling yourself?“
„Still better than working at a brothel. If they want me to fuck them, at least they should make it worth the while. I know it’s cheap, but doesn’t it make them even cheaper that in spite of knowing that, they still ask? I need the money, they do it just for fun.“ If he had to fuck someone he didn’t like, he wanted a compensation.
„Still...how can you live like that?“ Sad, blue eyes were looking at him.
„Barely.“ Sano admitted as he looked at Shinpachi again. „Please, don’t tell anyone. They would kick me off the school, if this came out.“
„I’ll keep shut. But in turn, you’ll let me help you how I can.“
To say the lest, Sano was surprised.
„Why would you want to do that?“
Shinpachi’ s smile was just a tiny bit sad. „I thought that was pretty clear. Cause you’re a friend, that’s why.“
Sano looked into Shinpachi’s honest eyes and slowly a smile formed on his face. Maybe it really hadn’t been such a bad idea to take Shinpachi to his place, after all. Sano wished he could say something to show how much those words meant to him, but no sound came out. However, it seemed, Shinpachi still heard it as he returned the smile with a small nod.
There was silence for a while, when Shinpachi spoke.
„You know, I would kinda want my parents to be like yours?“ He snorted, but as he saw Sano’s look of disapproval, he quickly added. „For different reasons than you might think.“ He looked away. „It would be more honest.“
Sano’s eyebrows shot into his hair and Shinpachi sighed.
„You see, I have always been the little sunshine of the family. First-born son, sportive type, but good at many subjects, I would make the perfect popular type and they would have something to be proud of. And they were, at elementary. But at Junior High I started asking myself, what would be if I suddenly turned badass, dropped grades and went down the bad path. I kept asking myself: Would they let me fall, or help me back on my way?“
Understanding spread across Sano’s features.
„So you tried it out.“
Shinpachi nodded.
„And? How did it turn out?“
Shinpachi smirked, but it didn’t feel as arrogant and confident as usually. It had something sad.
„They threatened to disown me. Only my granny stood to me. Since that day I lack the motivation to do something good. Cause, you know – for what purpose? Earlier the purpose had been to please my parents, but now I don’t wanna do that anymore. Not when they care for me only once I do.“
Sano put his hand on Shinpachi’s and his friend gave him a smile.
„And then you came along and tore me out of my apathy.“ He said. „You know what I thought when I first laid eyes on you?“
Sano shook his head.
„That you’re full of life. Full of defiance, full of want to achieve something. You had your own opinion and stood firmly with both of your feet on the ground. You were so unlike all the others, who only thought of their money, their fingernails and status quo. You were someone different.“
A smile spread across Sano’s features as he heard those words. He knew he was sticking out even to strangers, but this was the first time someone told him that was a good thing. He squeezed Shinpachi’s hand firmly.
„Thanks. It means a lot.“
Shinpachi looked into his eyes.
„Friends forever?“
A warm feeling spread through Sano’s chest and his smile widened just a bit, when he nodded.
„Friends forever.“
page 2