Nu#15: Never place friendship above profit. („Broken Valentine“ by manaika) PAGE 2

[manaika]

It wasn’t untill later that afternoon that Sano showed himself to the rest of the world, when he opened his front door upon hearing the ringing of the doorbell, an icepack pressed tightly to his forehead, murderous headache back. Not a single fiber of his being wanted to communicate with whoever was fool enough to disturb him in his misery, so maybe his appearence would leave a hint.

„What?“ he growled before he even looked who was standing there.
„You look like shit.“
Sano sighed. „Shiranui.“
„Yeah. Just checking whether you’re still alive.“
„Nope. This is just my ghost speaking to you.“
His friend held up a bottle of something that Sano hoped wasn’t anything containing etanol. „Gramps recipe against hangovers. Thought you could make use of it.“
Sano eyed the bottle with suspicion, but finally stepped aside. „Come in.“

As he entered Shiranui sensed the vague scent of fish.

„Have you eaten?“
„I tried, but couldn’t hold anything down.“

Sano lead him into the living room and slumped back down on the sofa he had been occupying for the better part of the day. He gestured for Shiranui to make himself comfortable, but his friend remained standing.
„How are you feeling?“
„I broke up with Shinpachi.“
Out of everything, this was the last answer that Shiranui expected.
„What?! Why?!“
Sano laid his head into his hands miserably. „Because I’m an idiot.“

Shiranui sat down next to him, ready to listen to anything his friend had to say.

„I was disppointed, upset and hung over and he was being a jealous ass.“ And Sano told him everything, while Shiranui just silently listened. „Then I went home and tried to sleep. After I woke up, I regretted every word I said, but it’s not like I can just go and take it back. I have my pride too, you know.“
Oh yeah, Shiranui knew that all too well.
„I love him, I really do, I have been with him for twenty years and I still like being with him. The sex is great and even if he is an imbecile, he is a great boyfriend and I want him back...“
Sano trailed off, but Shiranui urged him to continue.
„But?“
Sano sighed. „I don’t know. It’s just...It feels like we’ve grown apart a little. It’s been like that since Christmas. I don’t know why, but it’s probably me. Maybe mid-life crisis caught up with me finally.“
Shiranui eyed him. „What are you going to do now?“
„Seriously...I don’t know. I want to get back together with him, but...maybe it’s better if we stay like this for a while. I feel like having this small time out. I guess I need to get it straight. Think about things. And such.“
„Just don’t fry your brain.“
„Yeah.“

They were silent for a while.

Sano watched Shiranui from the corners of his eyes, while his thoughts drifted back to yesterday. Shinpachi had been an ass for just leaving him there, but if he thought about it, Sano had been the one who went off with Shiranui the first place. And then he over reacted. So much like him, really. Sano always tried to be the voice of reason, but fact was, that he had always been fiery and emotional. Quick to get angry when certain people pushed certain buttons. He had gotten better controling it over the years, but there still was one trigger inside of him that made him expload, loose every reason and good sense.

Disappointment.

And Shinpachi had disappointed him, as he left the bar, without a word of saying what’s going on. To say the truth, Sano had thought better of his boyfriend. He was more sad than angry at Shinpachi and as he was confronted with the one who made his life miserable for several hours, he snapped. And now...now he had to bear the consequences. Alone.

Only, he wasn’t. And if he was honest, he didn’t want to be.

„Shiranui?“
„Yeah?“ His friend turned to him, the piercing purple eyes meeting his golden and once again Sano felt like no time passed.
„Will you stay here for tonight?“ he knew how that sounded and he felt what it would inevitably lead to, but he couldn’t stop it, he couldn’t... „I don’t think I could be alone right now.“

That was the only thing he was actually sure of right at that moment. He hated being alone already as it was, but being alone now would be unbearable for him. He would end up doing something stupid, he was almost sure. Shiranui studied him for a moment, as if to make sure of his intentions, intentions that Sano himself didn’t know what they were. Actually right now Sano didn’t know anything. Right now, Sano did not really know what he wanted, what he felt, or even who he was.

He was very confused. And the hangover wasn’t helping any in resolving it.

But even through his confusion, Sano knew for sure where it would lead them if Shiranui stayed over, even if they both fought against it, and he was sure Shiranui knew that too and feared his friend would say no. And the worst thing was Sano didn’t know if he wanted him to. He needed someone right now. He needed to feel like someone wanted him around. He didn’t have Shinpachi, but the question was, did he have Shiranui? Did he want Shiranui? Did he want him as a lover? Wasn’t it the friendship of the demon-like man that Sano seeked? Or didn’t it matter as long as Sano had a solid, warm body to lean onto? Was he really that cheap?
Or was he just reading too much into things and nothing would happen?

Finally Shiranui spoke, but unusual for that talkative gangster Sano knew him to be, he said one word.

„Sure.“

In spite of everything, it made Sano feel a little better.


ox*xo


Sunday morning found Shinpachi on his way to Sano. It was unusual for him to be up this early, much less on a weekend, but he didn’t sleep well and woke up early. If someone asked him about his recollection of the previous day, he wouldn’t have remembered. The day went past him, he didn’t even feel the hours pass him by, as he just sat in his living room, listening to his grandfather clock ticking away the time. The morning went over to afternoon and the afternoon faded into the evening, when he finally got sick of wallowing in his misery and decided to go see Sano in the morning. And so, here he was, walking down the street to Sano’s house, preparing himself for whatever was to come, torture and painfull death included.

But nothing could have prepared him for what he came in sight with, as he was just a few steps from the house. The door suddenly opened and a mop of purple hair appeared, followed by a red one. Shinpachi froze.

Shiranui.

Apparently his rival had stayed over.

Shinpachi told himself to take a deep breath and calm down. So what if he stayed? They were friends. It didn’t have to mean anything.

But the hand on Sano’s cheek, as well as the fact that Sano leaned into it, did.

Shinpachi tried listening, but he was still to far away to make out the actual words of the silent and apparently intimate conversation of the two. Sano was dressed in his blue yukata, the one he wore only on weekends at his house or when he got freshly out of the bed. His hair was slightly messy and his eyes, Shinpachi could tell even from the distance, had a lazy look. A look Shinpachi had seen a countless times, the look Sano gave him just when he woke up after a passionate night filled with moans. Shinpachi saw Shiranui place a gentle peck on Sano’s cheek, before turning to leave and felt something deep within himself break.

He turned around and left, not noticing a lingering gaze on his retreating back.


ox*xo


Shinpachi had no intention of returning to that house anytime soon, not after what he had witnessed. He knew better than to stick his nose somewhere where it did not belong. Nothing stood ever between Sano and Shiranui. If not even a full blown gang war had managed to break them apart, then what chances had he? Sano had broken up with him, so it was fair and square, Shinpachi couldn’t accuse him of cheating. Though, he had to admit, he was disappointed. He never would have thought that he was so easily replaceable. Even if it was Shiranui.

Damn that bastard!

Damn Sano!

To hell with it all!

Shinpachi hated losing and giving up without a fight was not his style! If Shiranui wanted Sano, he had to take him form Shinpachi first! And if Sano wanted to break up with Shinpachi, he demanded a damn good reason! He wasn’t throwing away twenty years over a meaningless trist!

And that’s why he stood in front of Sano’s house, seven o’clock sharp, waiting for the door to open as Sano headed to work.

Sure enough, the door opened just as he finished his thought and revealed Sano in his usual ’sexy mess’, shirt untucked, the two top and one bottom buttons undone, tie loose around his neck. The familiar musky scent of Hugo Boss filled Shinpachi’s nostrils and he inhaled deeply. Sano didn’t notice him right away, deep in thoughts. Only when he was opening the garage door to get his car did he lay his eyes on the observer.

His eyes hardened instantly.

„What do you want?“ he put his house keys into his case with more vehemence than he intended. „I’m not driving you to work, Nagakura.“

The words stung. Shinpachi had to admit, Sano knew where to punch, that it hurt. He summoned all of his courage and stood himself in front of Sano.

„Listen, Sano...“

But before he got further than that, he was rudely interrupted.

„No.“ The resolution in those words froze Shinpachi. „I’m not listening to your excuses. And if you want to get back together, forget it.“
Shinpachi just stared.
„I’m done with you, for good. And if you are honest with yourself, our relationship hasn’t been working lately.“
„You had sex with Shiranui, am I right?“
„I don’t see how it’s any of your business, Nagakura.“
„It’s my business because I love you, you jackass!“
Sano’s eyes narrowed. Now they were both angry. „Oh yeah? Maybe you should have thought about that before you ditched me.“

„YOU ditched ME first!“

An angry tremble went through Sano, but he held it back. „I’m not having this conversation with you.“ He stepped around his ex boyfriend and got into the car, securing the seatbelt around himself. He wanted to slam the door behind himself, but Shinpachi put his hand into it in the last moment, so the door bounced back from his open palm. He bit back a yell as the metal connected with his flesh, bones and veins and he knew it would leave a huge angry bluish-purple bruise, but now wasn’t the time to worry about it. He couldn’t let Sano walk away from him, not like this!
„OK, Sano, I know you’re disappointed. You always had it somehow with disappointment as it was the only thing that could shut your brain and all of your ratio down. But you can’t throw away twenty years over nothing, damnit! If you just thought about it for a fucking second-“
Sano wordlessly seized his hand and threw him on the sidewalk, before Shinpachi could even finish the sentence. There was the slamming of a door, the sound of an engine, the screech of tires and just like that Sano was gone.

Shinpachi didn’t know how long he just sat there staring into space, but when he first moved he realized, that he had to make it to school in five minutes.


ox*xo


Sano had trouble controling his car.

He was constantly speeding up and he almost passed two red lights in the desperate need to vent the emotions raging within him. It was a good thing that there was only one more traffic light he had to pass. He was absolutely livid and wanted nothing less than to tear Shinpachi’s head off. Damn that bastard for getting under his skin so much! How could Shinpachi dare to say that to him! Like he knew what was going on in Sano!

But he did, a voice somewhere deep inside of him reasoned, as Sano turned a corner.

Shinpachi knew Sano inside out, like an open book. If there was someone in the universe who knew exactly how Sano worked, it was Shinpachi. They have known each other for over a half of their lives, dated almost as long, seen each other in circumstances that not even family was allowed to see a man in, in circumstances that Sano would have never let anyone else, not even Shiranui see him in... Wasn’t it only natural that Shinpachi hit the nail on the head without even trying?
Sano saw the red light ahead of him and wished he could turn his inner voice down, because the more he listened to it, the more he felt how he wronged Shinpachi. He wanted to scream, to be angry, a reason to kill, but he knew it was only his damn disappoinntment speaking. Shinpachi had really a thing for striking his chords where Sano could feel it the most intensely.

He should apologize.
He should beg for forgiveness.

But he wouldn’t.
Because he was too proud.

And then, as the red light jumped to orange, realization hit him like a wave of despair: There was no turning back. He had gone too far, said too many things for a simple apology to mend it.

The light went over to green.

And Shiranui... Sano had used his friend in a moment of weakness as a tool to forget, if only for a small moment, his inner turmoil. After two long decades, instead of welcoming him back, Sano coldly used his old love, only to get what he wanted. And now what? Throw him away? Start something with him? Both were out of option to Sano and he realized just how cruelly he had used Shiranui. That would need some serious fixing. He would have to focus all of his attention on the two relationships he didn’t want to miss in his life, no matter the cost.
Even if Hijikata would probably have his head for not focusing on the final exams.
The coming times would drain him completely off his energy, Sano knew, as he subconsciously sped up to catch the green.

„Why do you even bother?“

Suddenly the words long forgotten came to his mind.

„They hate you, they want to be rid of you, no one wants you.“

But Shinpachi and Shiranui didn’t hate him and they certainly wanted him both. Maybe they were a little, Sano’s heart clutched painfully at the realisation, disappointed, but...

„Why do you even bother?“

Sano couldn’t come up with an answer.

Voices he hadn’t heard for a long time were screaming in his heasd, images banned from his conscious mind playing in front of him like a slideshow of pain, repressed memories coming back to haunt him and Shinpachi’s smiling face amidst of it as an anchor, a piece of sanity Sano could cling onto, when the whole world turned against him. He vagualy realised that his cheeks were wet, but he didn’t make a move to wipe them. Instead he looked straight ahead and even in spite of the blurry vision, he saw the green light and the wall in front of him clearly. The street was empty, the next car over a hundred feet behind him and that wall...it had always been there, every day he droved to work, but he had never noticed it. Why now?

The answer seemed clear.

Sano undid his seatbelt, adjusted the lever to the highest and stomped on the accelerator.

Maybe it didn’t work back then so that it could work now, he thought as he saw the wall become near by every second. Maybe he finally found his answers, he thought as he was a few feet from collision.

But then why did he feel so lost and alone?
Why did he feel like there had to be more to life than this?

With a start he realised that he wouldn’t have the chance to find out.

And so, just as his expensive car, his darling sweetheart, his baby for ten years colided with the wall in full speed, he accepted his fate.

And then there was the darkness of oblivion.


ox*xo


Shinpachi had been half an hour late, even running lightning fast and taking every possible short-cut he knew, instead of the usual route. He had used every single cell in his brain to come up with an excuse good enough to present it to Hijikata-san, who would, no doubt be waiting for Shinpachi at the fence, eyeing him with that murderous, demon-like look, ready to strike doom upon the math teacher, but to his surprise, no one was waiting for him as he got there. Even after he climbed over the fence no one yelled at him and the hallways were empty as he hurried to his class.

No Hijikata-san.
No Saito, or Nagumo-kun, or anyone from the disciplinary comitee.

Shinpachi reached his class without anything that resembled an assasination attempt upon his person.

It got him worried.

It wasn’t normal for the disciplinary comitee to miss upon the oportunity to lecture someone, even if it was a teacher. Especially with Saito being the head. But Saito was in the class as Shinpachi entered with an apology for the terrible delay. Granted, the punctual student did stare at his teacher disaprovingly and gave him a small piece of his mind about the lateness, but Shinpachi couldn’t but still be worried about Hijikata-san’s...indisponation? Shinpachi couldn’t think of a better word.

Sano kept appearing in front of his mind’s eye and caused a painfull, stab-like emotion clench at Shinpachi’s heart. Even the students noticed, as his emotional state reflected in his way of teaching. Instead of the usual ’explosion’, which was the nickname for his hours, his tone was plain and lacked every enthusiasm. Yamazaki asked him two times whether something was wrong and even Saito seemed worried. Shinpachi tried to conceal it, but he was glad when the bell rung to the first break.

And that was when the blow came.

He had been called to the principal.

Already as he entered the office he knew something was very wrong. Hijikata-san didn’t lash at him and Kondo-san wore a serious expression. And then, as the two of them spoke, his world shattered.

Sano had an accident.

He was in the hospital.

In critical condition.


x*x


The rest of the day was a blurr. Shimada greed to take over Sano’s history classes and they contacted the old, retired PE teacher if he could teach the subject for time being, either until Sano returned, or, Shinpachi’s gut went stone cold at the thought, a suitable replacement was found. Then they had to inform the students, make a new arrangement for the homeroom classes and reschedule the field trip, not to mention the stress around the final exams.

But it all went past Shinpachi. The only thing the math teacher could think of was Sano’s life. His boyfriend, and now their break up, or their argument, or whatever differences the had didn’t matter much more than the melted snow of the last season, his boyfriend was in critical condition, possibly dieing and Shinpachi desperately wanted him to live.

Not a quarter hour passed after he learned of the horrible news when Shiranui called his phone. He told Shinpachi he had been called to the accident scene and was now in the hospital. And that he needed to talk with Shinpachi.
Shinpachi, interested in nothing but Sano’s condition, set all of their differences aside and called his rival after the end of every hour, after the end of every break and had been on the line for the entire lunch break.

Hijikata-san, strict yet understanding, had sent him away after Shinpachi’s last hour ended, saying that he was needed somewhere else. Shinpachi couldn’t even find the words to thank his superior as he rushed to the hospital.

And he promptly started to believe in miracles.

Sano would come through.

Sano would live.

Despite broken bones, internal bleeding, heavy concussion and a head injury he would live. He was in a coma, but the doctors were hopefull that he would wake up. Shinpachi had hugged Shiranui, in his relief. The inspector didn’t comment.

But then the investigator spoke and the moment relief was all over for Shinpachi.

„Nagakura, I have to talk with you.“ He said with a serious expression on his face.
Shinpachi nodded. „Yeah, I figured.“
„Not on private business.“
This startled Shinpachi.
„Come with me.“
Shiranui lead the to the intensive care station, where they were asked to change clothes into sterile coats and into a room full of wires, infusions and beeping sounds. Sano’s room. And Shinpachi’s heart shattered more.
„I’ve bullied the permission to be here out of the doctors. Thought you would want to see him.“
Shinpachi’s throat had constricted too tightly to speak, so he just nodded. He slowly approached the bed, keeping his eyes focused on the figure lying there.

Sano looked like he should break any moment.

It tore Shinpachi apart.

Because if there was one thing in this world that Sano wasn’t, it was weak.
He took the large, strong, clever hand lieing there. It had always been warm and gentle, but now it seemed cold and fragile.
„Nagakura.“
„Hm?“
„I’ve seen Harada’s body not once, several times two decades ago and, as you sure figured out, two days ago.“
Shinpachi felt his emotions flare, but before he could expload (and get himself kicked out), Shiranui continued.
„I noticed the scar he has on his stomach.“
Just the mention of that mark brought back painfull memories.
„I have never asked and he never told, but...you know, don’t you?“
Shinpachi hesitated, but finally answered, truthfully. „I’ve been there at that time. ’Course I know.“
Shiranui nodded. „You probably won’t like my question, but I’m asking you to answer honestly. For Harada’s sake.“
„I’ll try.“ For Sano’s sake, he would.

„Has Harada tried to commit suicide in the past?“

A wave of overwhelming images washed through Shinpachi and he could barely hold himself together. An old used-up phone booth. An abandoned alley. Dirt. Blood. Pain. Emptiness. And sad smile. Tears collected in Shinpachi’s eyes and he wasn’t able to speak. Shiranui approached him and sat down onto the bed facing Shinpachi, and purple eyes bored themselves into azure.
„I’m asking, because what happened today...there are a few suspicious things. For once, there were no other casualties. It seemed the street was empty at the time. As he passed the lights, he had green. That could have been a coincidence, but still.“
Shinpachi didn’t like where Shiranui was heading. His entire being protested against it, against the possibility, but the more he thought about it... Sano’s emotional state this morning...had it really been just this morning? It seemed so far away now, like many years had passed.
„The seatbelt was also undone. I know that someone with a ferrari is never really a responsible driver-“
It struck Shinpachi as a lightning.
„He was.“ His eyes were wide with shock of processing the information that wa snow given to him. „He always bullied me into securing it.“ Shinpachi hesitated. „He had it around him this morning.“
Shiranui’s eyebrows shot up.
„I went to see him, I wanted to talk with him. I saw him secure the belt.“
Shiranui looked like his suspicions had been confirmed. But he didn’t look very happy about it, the truth harsh and cruel, even for him.

It wasn’t an accident.

It was an attempt.

The room was grave silent, save for the beeping sound that signalized the heartbeat of the one they loved. Of the one who had wanted to leave them. Without as much as a bye.

„Only I have noticed.“ Shiranui spoke up. „The hints that it wasn’t an accident, I mean.“ He looked away. „It was more of my bad feeling, really.“ Then he looked straight into Shinpachi’s eyes. „I’ll keep silent.“
Shinpachi nodded in gratitude and averted his gaze to Sano, seemingly peacefully asleep.

„He did, didn’t he?“

Shiranui’s voice seemed to come from very far away. Even though he hadn’t voiced it, Shinpachi understood what the policeman meant with the question.

„It was before your time. Before you came into his life. Long before the two of you met.“

Shinpachi brought Sano’s hand to his lips, kissing it gently in a lingering kiss, like wanting to get the life back into the motionless body through it. Then, with a final sigh he looked at the man across of him, but never letting go of Sano’s hand.

„Let me tell you a story, Shiranui. A sad one. A story of grief, pain, loneliness and rejection. Let me tell you Sano’s story.“


------------------------------*


Next chapter will be the past arc. The song used in this is „Wake me up before you go-go“ by Wham!, mentioned are „Livin on a prayer“ by Bon Jovi and „Karma Chameleon“ by Culture Club. I actually made an FFST (Fanfiction sountrack) for this, if someone wants it, I can send the download link.

One more thing: Did it bother you that I changed the POV several times over the shot? I tried to avoid it, but there were instances when I thought that it needed an „explaining from Sano’s POV“. I tried to write it so that it made sense, and as I re-read it, it didn’t seem as disturbing, but I’m asking your opinion nonetheless. Thanks.

R&R!

mana